Apple Computer introduced the gMac on Monday, calling it the first Macintosh ever created exclusively for gangstas.
"I'm just keepin' it real," said Apple CEO Steve Jobs. "The Mac is no longer just the white man's computer."
The tight new gMac features special hydraulics which allow the gMac to "bounce" to whatever iTunes is playing. Your whole house will also be bouncing to the gMac's 36" built-in speakers. The entire case is a giant subwoofer.
The gMac also has a glowing neon light under it which comes in 'Bitchin Blue', 'Gangsta Green', or 'Blood Red'. Unlike the older iMacs which had built-in handles, Apple decided to replace the handle on the gMac with a small plastic dog whose head bobs up and down.
Do you live in a smelly room? No problem. Sitting atop the gMac is an air freshener shaped like a crown which automatically adjusts its emissions to the stink level of the room.
In addition to the standard Firewire and USB ports, the gMac also includes an 'iSmoke' port which lets you use the gMac as a bong.
The gMac features an impressive software collection as well, such as the Address Book to keep track of your pimps, hoes, dealers, or "babies' daddies". iTunes lets you organize your R&B rap, death rap, gangsta rap, hip-hop rap, and rap rap. Shop for black market guns and surf for porn with Internet Explorer. Organize all the pictures you took of those fine ladies at that last party you went to with iPhoto. Become the next Spike Lee with iMovie. And the special AppleWorks version 6.2.4g comes with an ebonics spelling dictionary.
"Iz a shizza for my nizzaz," said rapper and Mac lover Snoop Doggy Dogg. "Mizza nizzaz liz da skizzaz to niz mizzaz wizzaz."
"It's the thing," said white angst-filled rapper Eminem. "This thing's gonna beat up on Windows PCs like I beat up on my wife. Just BAM! Like the butt of a gun to your temple."
Unfortunately, the gMac is only available to gangstas. When ordering a gMac you must flash your gang sign as proof of the gang you're in. This has upset many Mac loyalists because of the low gangsta pricing of the gMac, which is only $19.95.
"Just because I have a job, don't kill, steal, or smoke pot, I should have to pay more for a Mac?" said Mac geek Jared Howdy. "If I have to join the Bloods to get a good deal on a computer, then maybe I will."
"We have to target different markets with different prices the same way we target different features to different markets," said Phil Schiller, Apple's vice president of product marketing. "Gangstas aren't going to pay more than 20 bucks for a computer. They'd just kill your grandmother and take hers instead."
The gMac should be available in late May.
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