Apple has announced it will release a "breakthrough digital device" on October 23 during a 10:00 a.m. press conference at their Cupertino, California headquarters.
MacComedy decided to test out its brand new time machine (which Michael Dell claims he invented) in order to send MacComedy corespondent Philber Wuznuts into the future to crash the press conference.
So what did he find?
"Unf****ing believable!" says Wuznuts. "The room was, or will be, packed to the gills with people from the press. And even Bill Gates was there, clutching a box of Windows XP with a tear in his eye. Steve Balmer was there, drunk as usual."
"So then, [Apple CEO Steve] Jobs comes out in this frilly pink apron!" continues Wuznuts. "What the f***?!"
And
the breakthrough digital device? A blender.
Granted, this won't be just any ordinary blender. The iChopAndMixStuff blender has titanium blades which are super strong, but light weight, and never need sharpening.
"So then he brings out a bunch of other blenders from Black and Decker and GE and whoever else makes blenders," said Wuznuts. "And he starts benchmarking the damn thing! He puts a green pepper in each blender and presses a button on each one, laughing like a little school girl. What the hell is that?!"
Coincidentally, the iChopAndMixStuff perfectly purees a green pepper in 2.7 seconds. Not too shabby.
It does have other high tech, digital features. A built-in Airport card allows you to control the blender from your Mac (OS X only). You can also use the Airport connection to have the blender play MP3s stored on your Mac.
Evidently, the crowd was not impressed.
"Steve had put vegetables under everyone's chair so they could try out the iChopAndMixStuff themselves," said Wuznuts. "Big mistake. They started whipping them at the stage. Steve was getting pelted with produce."
Gates left the press conference with an evil laugh while Balmer stumbled after him.
By the way, for those of you watching the streaming QuickTime video of the event on October 23, ignore the man who grabs the camera and starts screaming "What the f***! I mean, WHAT THE F***!"
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