Microsoft Corporation has won an Emmy from the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences for "significant lack of advancement in the realm of anything that slightly relates to the television industry."
"Of
all companies that have done nothing for the television industry this
year, we feel Microsoft has done the least," said John Leverence,
vice president of awards for the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences.
"We accomplished exactly what we set out to do this year," said Microsoft CEO Steve Balmer in an interview Wednesday. "And that was to contribute nothing of value at all to the television industry." Balmer then began jumping around, screaming "Woo hoo!" and sweating profusely.
The Emmy announcement comes on the same day it was announced that Apple Computer won an Emmy of its own for creating FireWire, the high-speed interface used on many DV cameras and other devices.
"Microsoft is clearly the leader in providing nothing of value to the end user," said ARS analyst Toni Duboise. "It's great that the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences has finally recognized that."
And it doesn't look like Microsoft is leaving well enough alone. Later this year, Microsoft will release Windows XP, which will not only provide nothing useful to the television industry, but may actually offer things which are harmful and counterproductive.
"Windows XP won't offer built-in support for playing DVDs which we're sure won't help out the TV industry," said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates. "And just wait till we sneak in the new version of Smart Tags with our first Service Pack. People surfing on the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' website, for example, will be steered towards sites that say how bad television is for you and recommend some good books based on their interests. We're pretty sure that will piss off a lot of TV executives."
Microsoft will be presented with the award tonight where it is expected they will send no one to accept it.
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