Apple Computer CEO Steve Jobs, known for his black turtle neck shirts and vegan lifestyle, says he is ready for a change.
"I
just want a big juicy hamburger," said Jobs. "No, make that a cheeseburger.
With barbeque sauce. Mmmm, sweet barbeque sauce."
Vegans, like vegetarians, do not eat meat. However, vegans are more strict and will not even eat animal by-products such as dairy foods. Jobs first became a vegan after an enlightening trip to India in 1974.
Ironically, it was another recent enlightening trip that made him decide to drop his vegan ways. It was a trip to Brooklyn, New York.
"There was meat everywhere!" said Jobs. "People weren't eating all these gross soy products, they were eating meat! Delicious meat! And it made me question my beliefs. What was I denying myself for anyway?"
When asked if he thought it would be diffcult to go back to a "normal" eating pattern after 27 years of being animal free, Jobs responded, "I don't think so. Meat is just so tasty. It won't be a problem at all. I mean, I brought Apple back from a coma. I think I can handle eating a cow."
Not everyone agrees.
"There's
no way Jobs can change his eating habits," Dell CEO Michael Dell said.
"I think that [Silicon Graphics CEO] Bob Bishop once tried to change his
eating habits and failed. Jobs will fail, too." When asked how he felt
about being surpassed by Jobs in the list of the nation's Top 50 CEOs,
Dell began to cry.
Another custom he picked up in Brooklyn, Jobs will no longer be wearing black turtle necks to his public presentations. Instead, he will be wearing white "wife beater" tank tops. Says Jobs, "It really makes me feel like one of the people. Sometimes, flying around in my jet makes me feel disconnected. I forget who I really am."
Upon hearing the news that Jobs would now be wearing wife beater tank
tops during speeches, Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates held a press conference,
wearing a wife beater tank top. "Here at Microsoft, we've always believed
in the wife beater tank top," Gates said. "I'm glad that Steve has finally
decided to follow in our footsteps."
So how will Jobs' change effect the way things are run over at Apple?
"We'll be having a lot more barbeques."
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